This is our seventh of eight questions in our series regarding a biblical study of giving. As stated in session one, we quickly discovered when consolidating all the giving related passages, all our acquired notes, and our published “Getting Your Financial House In Order” book, that this subject as too extensive for one Loose Change article.
Here are the six questions we have covered to date:
Q #1 - “Why Do We Give?”
Q #2 - “How Much Do We Give and When Should We Give?”
Q #3 - “Should I give from my Net Income or my Gross Income (Revenues)?”
Q #4 - “Who should we direct our giving toward?”
Q #5 - “What if I don’t really want to give; isn’t giving only for the cheerful giver?”
Q #6 - “Should I give if my expenses exceed my income, or if I can’t pay my creditors?”
Following is question seven, often a very difficult and emotional question for married couples to work through and resolve.
7. What should I do if my husband doesn’t want to tithe or give ......money to our church or other worthwhile charities?
As just stated, this is a difficult and emotional question, especially if the wife is working and generating income. First, understand that this question is primarily asked as stated; not in reverse where it is the wife who does not want to give. However, it can be asked in such a reverse way.
For the wife, our counsel is that she should not give at this present time (even if she is generating income). Following are related biblical principles and intriguing thoughts:
The biblical call in Eph. 5:22-24 for the wife to honor her husband supersedes the call to give; “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”
The wife, in choosing to follow her husband’s request and not give, does not need to worry about her NOT giving to God’s work, and her concern of someday standing before God to give an account on this matter. It is the husband who will stand before God, and God clearly knows the wife’s heart. So, in His eyes, the wife is giving! Her husband, if a Christian, will someday be the one standing before God and giving an account for his attitudes and actions, or lack thereof.
Wives need to understand, that one of the reasons that her husband may not want to give, or even draw closer to the Lord God, is because the husband senses an independent and rebellious spirit in his wife, and he is reacting to this reality. Remember, God does not want the husband’s money; God wants his heart. Once He has the heart, the principles of stewardship and giving will soon follow! It is the wife’s loving willingness to follow her husband’s lead on this giving matter, that may lead him to be drawn closer to Jesus Christ?
We have also observed where many husbands have no issue with the wife giving some agreed upon amount to her church or other charities each month. For all the above stated reasons, we just don't want it to be by extortion, coercion, or threat. Such attitudes and actions are not honoring to the marriage vows.
For the husband, if the wife doesn’t want to give, we first have to look at the husband’s biblical call from Eph. 5:25-28, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.”
As the husband, how would he answer the following questions?
In what ways is the husband not loving his wife as Christ loved the church? The consequence may be that she is reacting in negative ways and attitudes, which includes her not wanting to give money to God’s work?
Is the husband lording over the wife, and is the wife feeling controlled; emotionally, physically, or financially?
Does the wife feel, or know, that the family’s finances are not being handled wisely; and so in response she is reluctant to give? Remember, one of the primary needs of a woman is to feel secure. Mismanaged finances and accumulated debt will cause her to feel insecure and not peacefull. This often results in the wife feeling the need to be financially frugal and tightfisted. She senses the financial instability, and the result is her not feeling free to give back to God.
In these circumstances, the husband needs to lovingly discover the core reasons why the wife does not want to give. Often this may require the couple to seek the help of a spiritually mature counselor. Understand, a wife not wanting to give usually goes against her very nature. Women tend to want to give and be charitable. Once these core issues are addressed and resolved, most wives enjoy the opportunity to give.
In all the above stated husband and wife relationship issues, there will be the need to take ownership over our own individual errors, admitting our faults and wrong actions toward our spouse. We then need to humbly ask our spouse for forgiveness for each individual matter. However, understand that we may also have to allow our spouse some time to forgive us. When there have been serious hurts, it may take time for our spouse to come to a point of complete forgiveness. However, God can heal all wounds (Ps. 147:3; Mark 11:26-27; Luke 17:3; I Peter 2:14).
This concludes question #7 in this series regarding giving. Should you have any questions, comments, or a related testimony you would like to share, please contact us. Our hope is that these articles, Bible passages, along with the leading of the Holy Spirit, prompt you to continually step out in faith when it comes to your own giving to God’s work.
If you question or doubt your eternal salvation, contact us and ask for: “The ABC’s of Salvation.” Our next Loose Change article will address questions #8, the last question in this series regarding, “What are the eight most often asked questions about giving?”